Pushing Double D to the Limit

{Well that was a total waste of a few weeks of my life, which I’ll never get back!} he thought silently as he distanced himself ever further with each step walking away from Tara and her little girl world.

Just as things seemed as though they were headed back to normal, the sound of a familiar car slowing down beside him rattled him. {Oh Goddess no.}

It was Double-D Deb, reaching over and rolling down the old manual-crank window as usual. “Lookin’ to score?”

“Not with anyone who doesn’t know her own strength and leaves actual, physical bruises.”

“For the eight billionth time, I’m sorry, but that’s not what I meant. Thought you were heading over to pay a visit to King Krunk, like me.”


“You pretender! King Krunk: primo connection for the primo stuff… 420 and far beyond.”

“You know nothing of being a pretender until you’ve been inside Tara’s house!”

“Get in” she as usual more ordered than offered, though with a bright smile. Never in this galaxy would she admit she’d missed him… but she had.

Never in the solar system would he admit anything of the sort without her opening up to expressing her feelings, though it was true regardless.

“I wanna hear about Tara, but since we’re almost at the King’s, save it for afterwards and keep ogling me.”

“I’m trying to keep my eyes above your neck, so you won’t get pissed.”

“I’m gonna be pissed if you’re not staring at me below the neck! I haven’t been hauling these flesh torpedoes around for no payback!”

“Isn’t all the strength you’re building up from hauling your additional luscious self around paying you back in the form of additional strength and power?”

“What evs. We’re here. Come with and meet the King.”

King Krunk was a very dark-skinned, very tall, freely-smiling man originally from South Africa. He rolled out the red carpet for Nate, showing him wondrous illegal recreational drugs Nate had never heard of.

Far too overwhelmed to possibly make a choice of a small free sample, and not truly a druggie himself, Nate politely and respectfully declined, all the while making it clear that he thought that a large percentage of the King’s wares ought to be legalized. The King decided to give Nate his own small sample bag of high-grade sinsemilla, given what Deb was buying and that they were together.

“I’m ready to redeem my discount” Deb grinned at the King, swaying her upper body back and forth slightly.

Blerrie girl! If you grow them anties much bigger, you will be paying nothing!”

Nate watched as King Krunk wiped his hands, then reached right in to Deb’s low-cut top, pulling out first her left then her right breast, fondling them and rolling his face in them. Shocking, but kinda hot.

“You are too fine, my dear!” he said as he let go and let her put herself back together. “My next appointment is soon to arrive, so farewell and enjoy life!” He ended with a hearty laugh as he led them back to his front door.

“Jealous of Krunk handling me?” she asked as they got back into her car.

“No, and why would you care?”

“I wouldn’t. Just wondering what I’m dealing with.”

“Nice… I’m a ‘what’ now.”

“Stop slaggin’ on me and tell me about Tara. But first: are you going to make the wise decision to join me for some of the freshness now filling the cabin with its scent, then some righteous fucking, boob love, and more?”

“As long as you’ll give me time to get my clothes on and not physically hurt me, sure.”

Deb truly was tired of hearing people talk of how she’d physically hurt him. She wasn’t aware how intimidating the combination of her personality plus her larger physical size was, nor her greater strength, developed from carrying her additional weight around, to which Nate had alluded on the drive over to the King. She continued to operate from the mentality of a smaller, (relatively) weaker, less threatening woman. “Yeah sure whatevah. Any STI status change?”

“No. Never got that far with Tara, and haven’t been after anyone else other than Nora, who as you likely know had family issues. You?”

“Fresh test earlier this week and no one since, and of course playing safe and sane. You mean to tell me that you’ve wasted weeks courting Tara, and no pussy?!”

“Not even anything past a belly massage and french kissing! The clothes never came off.”

“I don’t get you, Nate. That’s long-term and marriage shit! That can’t be what you truly want, given how you like variety, like me and Nora and Angeline and so many others.”

“Depends. I’ve experienced waking up to the same lover day after day for months at a time… it can be quite delicious. Someone sexy and loving who’s really into me and I’m really into her and we’re friends and we save money running a household together, yet we’re both sexually hungry for variety might work out. Open IIR.”

A burst of old memories coursed through Deb, triggering a pain in the pit of her stomach. “That’s bullshit” she sullenly contradicted him.

“No, that would be Tara’s Disney obsession. Found out within the last two hours that she’s a little girl locked in a Disney pretend fantasy world of her own making—and Disney Corporation’s.”


Nate snarked on about the whole setup, getting Deb’s sarcasm going, leading to a cathartic sarcastic sharing release. This is what Nate liked most about Deb—and she about him—given that it was their primary area of mutual enjoyable conversation, outside of lust talk.

They were again on good terms by the time they got out of her car and headed up her walkway. Nate as usual brought up the rear to enjoy the view.

The moment they were in her house with the door closed, he grabbed her ass, then her hips, then reached around both sides for a hearty two-boob squeeze.

“Took you long enough.”

“I believe when I don’t have your permission, it’s called sexual assault.”

“You didn’t get it just now” she noted as she turned around and groped him.

“No I didn’t. Gonna turn me in?”

“Not before you’ve satisfied me!”

“Deb, are you truly ever satisfied?”

“No, and that’s why I need variety in my sex life. Like you do.”

They were all over each other, getting each other naked and sharing their bodies various ways without any prior discussion.

“Krunk was right.”


“You’ve gone from major sex-pot to profound! I mean, your boobs alone are becoming the stuff of legends—worthy ones, not Tara’s Disney crap. That belly is so jiggly now, it almost never stops! Your hips and ass are coming along nicely.”

“Yeah” she sighed non-commitally.

“Oh wait right—you didn’t want to gain. Sorry for being myself! Seriously… I’d forgotten this isn’t what you want.”

“It’s not that bad. Especially the way it gets me bigger discounts and makes it easier to bring home sexy male FAs. Make it worth my while… give me what I deserve.”

He did, fully unleashing his lust animal and remaining mindful of what she most wanted (of which she was willing to tell him). He plunged her, ate her, fondled her, and otherwise pleasured her through a series of ecstatic pure-lust releases, holding back on his own until she let him know that she was satiated for the moment. He lost himself in her breasts and truly all of her sexy body, cumming so hard it was slightly painful.

It wasn’t even dark yet, and was closing in on dinner time. They ordered an extra-large and a medium pizza, delivered, daring one another to be the one to answer the door naked.

As soon as the pizza order was placed, they tried to keep their hands off each other long enough to bake some of the sensi into a batch of vanilla chip cookies.

Deb decided to accept the pizza delivery nude, with Nate standing out-of-sight of the delivery person but in-sight of Deb nearby in case anything spiraled out of control.

The young man’s gasp could be heard at Deb’s immediate neighbors’ houses. She transacted with him as though nothing unusual was taking place, pulling a pen pinned beneath her right breast out to sign the credit slip.

“The view is your tip” she said at the end of the transaction. “They’re natural, and they’re getting bigger, along with the rest of me.”

“Did he?” Nate asked, once the door was closed and the young delivery man gone.

“Yep. Looked a lot like you at the Get-Together after Nora did her butt plant on you. Next time we’re there, I’ll do that to you with these” she informed him, demonstrating how she’d own his entire groin with her mighty mams. The other-worldly experience got a rise out of him, so soon after he’d unloaded most recently.

“I wish I could be you.”

“Think carefully about what you’re saying. Consider the status of women in our world today. Consider the hate towards fat people. Consider being the object of unwanted attention all too often.”

He’d already factored those things in. Recalling how cut off she seemed to be from being able to intimately connect with others, he changed his mind. “I retract my wish.”

“Smart man. Now let’s eat and paaar-TAY!

Tara’s playlist hadn’t been bad, yet Deb’s was much more diverse, edgier, and obscure—quite like his own musical tastes. He took a few tokes, but mostly left the smoking to her, focusing on his portion of the pizzas, beer, and, when they were ready, the fortified cookies.

They spoke disdainfully and amusingly sarcastically of people they considered to be living lamestream cookie-cutter boring lives, the latest security exploits and hacks, and more, all whilst rubbing and pressing their bodies together in various ways, and even doing what Nate considered cuddling, with more of that last happening as Deb got higher. Stoned or straight, she derived especial pleasure having the freedom to touch and play with whatever parts of his body she wanted (outside of getting too deep into his anal region).

A couple hours in, they were both well stoned. The pizzas were gone, the beer was pretty well depleted, and the cookies were history. They lay slouched together on the couch, twisted into each other like spastically-formed pretzels.

“Yer so nice and plush” he drawled, with a stoned, goofy smile, as he nuzzled the side of her nearest breast.

“Plush enough for my dadd–uh, you?

“Yessssss. Though the… the more plush you get… the nicer you are. Annnnd I’ll be your daddy.”

“No no, you’re my lover boy–uh, man, Nate! Will you please hold that boob and lick my nip… like… it’s the greatest thing ever?

“Aw, that’s easy!… ’Cause it is!

She smiled and lolled her head back and forth slowly as he partook of her breast front and she stroked his penis.

AIIEEE!” she screamed.


My right boob!—that you’re holding—it’s growing!

“No, it’s purple and your left one is rainbow! All of you is growing, slowly.”


“Deb, you’re high! Just make it stop!

She focused, girded her loins, made a few grunting sounds, then a look of tranquility overtook her. “Thanks, Nate! That would have been way too big way too fast!” She rocked back and forth slightly, her head and eyes making looping patterns. “We’re wasted stoned, aren’t we?”

“Yaaaaah. I’ll get arrested if you throw me out soon. Or trip and fall and break my face.”

“I’m not throwing you out yet! I might need you to remind me to make other things st-t-t-t-t-OPPP.

He laughed at her artistic intentional stoner stutter.

“And you didn’t get your cuddle time yet!”

I thought you didn’t like cuddle time!

“I’m not always a mean, sex-crazed bitch. Sometimes I’m nice.”

“You could be… you could be nice more… if you wanted.”

“Where’s the fun in that?! Let’s go to bed and cuddle before we fall asleep here like last time.”

“Now I know I’m stoned!”


“I swore I just heard you say, ‘Let’s go to bed and cuddle’.”

She rocked, rolled, and staggered to her feet, pulling on his arm as soon as she was erect. “Come on, let’s go. Sex, cuddles… they’re all just words.”

They stumbled in towards the bedroom and into each other as they each attempted to get into the bathroom with the worst possible time and space interactions.

“You look so hot when you sit on the toilet!” he gushed. “Right now, 1000 angels—man angels, and lesbians if you want them, and bi and all the other types—are looking at you and jerking off ’cause of how sexy your glorious rolls of fat and fat boobs look! Right now! See? Look out, it’s raining angel cum!

They both momentarily freaked out, attempting to dodge the angel cum he’d convinced them was actually falling. She staggered up and let him have a toilet turn.

“Omigod! Your penis! It’s getting bigger and longer as you hold it! How can you carry it?! You’ll need a logging truck!

That was a hallucination, every bit as much as Nate’s jerking-off angels.

They settled into bed in a classic spooning cuddle position, with Nate as big spoon. He felt ill at ease regarding what would happen when Deb awoke no longer stoned, but for now, she was a sweet, tranquil, loving, cuddling woman—just like all the other women Nate had had the privilege of cuddling with naked. Maybe this time things would be different.

Nate awoke hours later in the early morning, near dawn. They still seemed to be in the same position; his left arm underneath her was asleep. The feeling of her skin and soft fat trying to adhere and move along with his arm as he slowly extracted it both turned him on and made him love her more. Yes, Nate knew he loved Deb, no matter how much he tried to stop and how easy she made it for him to stop when she treated him badly. Something about her which remained a mystery to him intrigued him, beyond her boomin’ body.

She woke up, and rolled over to face him. He made the grave mistake of attempting to kiss her tenderly.

“What’re you doing?!

“What lovers all over our time zone are doing with each other right now, because they care about one another affectionately at least a little bit. I suppose you had something else in mind when you turned over just now?”

“Yes, of course: enjoying the feeling of my huge fat tits and belly pressing into your front, giving you a morning rise so we can have more sex, then you can get the hell outta here.”

He started to pull away, “Maybe I should just leave now, before it becomes an emergency.”

“No” she grabbed him and pulled him back into her. “Need more sex. Not done with you yet. What’s wrong with your cock?”

“Nothing, last I checked.”

“You’re not hard, with my big boobs nearly in your face.”

“Fear outranks lust.”

“Oh come on! I’m not going to hurt you!”

“Breaking news: some men have feelings. Some men need to share loving affection with their lover as a prerequisite to lusty passions. You’re holding one of those.”

She let out a deep sigh and looked past him at the wall. “I thought so much more of you, the cool, distant, soul-patched hipster with good taste in music, libations, and sometimes women. One of us who could see the ridiculousness of life and most of the clones out there. Someone who, like me, could drop all the pretenses of the romance racket and go straight to the animal fucking that human animals evolved to partake of to make their lives bearable. So you’re telling me that on the inside you’re just a sappy romantic, like most women?

“I’m far more than that, as anyone who cares to find out about the real me knows. And you’re far more than a hot body with becoming-legendary boobs and a sharp-witted, perceptive mind, but no one’s gonna find out what that is, because you don’t want to let anyone in.”

“Why would I? It’s never ended well before.”

“So you can live a full life before it’s over forever and you cease to exist. Exact same idea as fucking a variety of people for the variety of experiences, except for this thing called feelings. Maybe you’ve heard of them.”

He felt her grow tense, and again started to pull away and prepare to leave, for his own protection. She clamped onto him tighter, blinking intensely.

“Deb… let’s not have this end badly. Just let go of me and I will put my clothes on and leave right away, I promise.”

No…. I told you, I need more sex with you. Go ahead and kiss me, like you were going to.”

With trepidation, he did. He was surprised to find that she responded, kissing him back tenderly and lovingly for the first time ever. Gazing into her face, her eyes half-way closed, her expression gentle and dazed, he was quite sure Deb was the most beautiful woman he’d ever kissed. She held a beauty beyond the already substantial good looks everyone normally saw, hidden behind her protective layer of aloofness and denial of loving, sentimental feelings. He felt driven to find a way back to this point, so that this first time would not be the last time.

They kissed some more, still tender, delicate, and slow. As they did they each relaxed, and his penis shot up to rigid hardness.

“Play with my breasts, please. I need that.”

Feeling, seeing, and completely immersing himself in her breasts took Nate to other-worldly ecstatic profound experiences unlike any other since the last time he’d had the opportunity. He didn’t think he could ever get enough of them, and for a moment thought that if he couldn’t work things out with Deb, he might need to join the throngs of men all seeking the largest of large breasts. But part of him knew it had to be Deb, even though that made absolutely no sense to his rational mind.

Deb had no words for how good it felt to be breast-sexed by Nate’s motivated hands and face. The sensations she felt in her body/on her skin were exquisite as usual, though the longer it went on, the more she became convinced that it all felt better with her bigger boobs. She got halfway to orgasm when he started licking her nipples and areolae.

After what seemed like only a few minutes but in reality was about half an hour, Deb needed to have him inside her. Because she was so nice and big, he was able to continue partaking of her nearest breast whilst she installed a condom on him. {Yeah… having massive boobs is a good thing.}

She gently rolled him onto his back and went down on him.

Ohhh Deb! You’re so awesome now that you’re fatter!” he gushed, his hands all over her.

She didn’t feel like debating the point, especially since it all felt so good. He felt thicker—probably more aroused. She liked that.

Nate’s face was fully buried in boob flesh, with just enough airspace that he had no trouble breathing. At the same time, her belly flowed warmly and softly atop his, sharing a jiggly intimacy which kept him rock-hard.

With his hands now back on her breasts and the thick, hard, slow thrusting giving her delicious friction in all the right places, Deb got what she sought: a powerful, blasting orgasm, worthy of several smaller ones. “Go as long as you want” she told him. “Take yours whenever.”

It wasn’t trivial to hold back, but he very much wanted their intercourse to continue longer, since it felt so good! He could only go about another five minutes before her awesomeness drove him over the edge.

“Want me to stay seated atop you for a couple of minutes?”

“Yes, please. Why are you being so nice to me?”

“To prove to you that I’m not always a monster.”

He played with her fat belly roll, marveling that it was now a whole roll and not just a front-facing fat pot. Seeing the joy in his face forced her to smile. Other lovers loved her belly, yet none with the gusto and look of deep wonder Nate was showing at the moment.

“OK, grab that condom” she announced once the couple of minutes were up. He did, and they disengaged.

She noticed he was very unsteady on his feet on the way to the bathroom.

“Are you OK?” she asked as he returned, in the same state.

“Honestly, not really. Feels like some vertigo thing. Hope it goes away as I’m getting dressed, now.”

“No, comere” she took his hand and led him back to the bed. “Why don’t you lie back down for awhile while I go make some breakfast before I turn into a raging bitch?” She eased him back into a lying down position. “I don’t wanna have the world hating on me ’cause I sent you out like this and you collapsed and hurt yourself. Sleep it off, come join me for breakfast when you feel better… whatever.”

Nate contemplated how this so far was categorically his best time ever with Deb, for a few seconds as he savored the rear view of her exiting the room naked. Seconds later, he was asleep.

Waking up to the sounds of Courtney Barnett, the smells of a hearty breakfast meal, and bright sunshine pouring in from other rooms through the doorway, Nate had no idea how long he’d been asleep.

He still felt a little unstable when he first sat then stood up, though much less so than during the bathroom trip. He figured he could safely leave, if that was required.

Deb finished chewing and swallowed her current piece of rye toast as he entered the kitchen. “Better?”

“Yep. Should I get outta here?”

“Depends whether or not you want breakfast.”


“I just offered it for a second time, didn’t I?”

“How uncharacteristically suburban housewifey of you.”

“If I wasn’t so happy to see your snark back, you’d be leaving now.”

He immediately turned to head to the living room and his clothes.

Hey! Come back, fool. I said if. We’re chill… you were good in bed this morning.”

“How about on the couch last night?”

“Ah, the delicate male ego. Hint: you’re still here.”

“Which astounds me.”

She got up and gently led him over to the countertop with the food, caressing and groping him on the way.

He got right to the meat of the matter, plating up 2 each of sausage links and bacon slices. “How long was I out?”

“About an hour. I thought for sure the smell would wake you up much sooner.”

“How long’s the food been done?”

“About 3/4s of an hour.”

“Have you been eating the whole time?”

“But of course, Mr. FA” she replied with her usual sarcastic tone and a smile, rubbing her belly, hips, and breasts into him.

Their faces were again close. He set his plate down and attempted to go in for a mouth kiss.

She immediately pulled back in what seemed almost like disgust. “Nope nope, we’re done with that for this time.”

Things went a lot better once they both sat down, for Nate to eat his breakfast and Deb to continue eating hers. They sat angled to each other so each of them could see all of the other’s body. One reason things went well was that Nate could hardly take his eyes off her—he loved watching her eat, more than he’d imagined he would. This led directly to a fresh erection, which pleased Deb, in addition to being able to stare at the rest of his body and enjoy it all.

He silently marveled at her, thinking about how in large part her unbelievably sexy, fat body and her massive breasts were due to how much and what she ate, acting magically with her genetic makeup and other factors. His mind then generalized to the same concept with other women—no wonder there seemed to be more fat women all the time, and more of them enjoying so being!

“Thanks for breakfast” Nate expressed his gratitude as he helped Deb clean up. “Should I be getting dressed and leaving now?”

“Only if that’s what you want.”

“I thought you wanted me gone after breakfast.”

“I did. Changed my mind, watching you admire me as we ate. Thinking of more sexing this time around.”

“I’ll do my best, but I’m not fully reloaded.”

“You have other appendages. Hopefully you’ve not forgotten how to use them” she smiled wryly, running her finger teasingly under his chin as she stepped away to finish cleaning up.

“What would you like?”

“Us on the couch. You giving me a belly massage.”

She led the way, with him following closely enough that it hardly constituted following.

“Is this OK?” he asked as he started massaging her. “No way I can avoid bumping your boob fronts each revolution, in this position.”

“Feature, not a bug” she smiled.

Nate again grew hard. He was still there the morning after, no big blow-ups (yet), she was being especially nice to him, and best of all she was fatter than ever before, with a slightly distended belly he’d love to lie down atop!

The nice restful massage had her sighing “Mmmmm” along with a big, long stretch.

“Time to do anything different?”

“It’s your lucky day, dude. Nap time—I can’t keep my eyes open. You get more of those cuddle things you inexplicably like.”

She fell asleep right there on the couch soon thereafter, her head rolling over onto Nate’s shoulder. He enjoyed the view and sensations for a few minutes before her rhythmic, soft breathing lulled him too into another round of sleep.

Their nap was only about half an hour if that, yet it was enough to allow them time to digest and refresh.

They awoke close together in time as well as physical proximity.

“You delight me and puzzle me at the same time.”

“That’s the way it’s supposed to be” she replied as she caressed his naked body.

“I’m delighted that I’m still here and that we’re still doing what I call cuddling. My mind is working overtime to figure out why the change.”

“Is that what all that noise from your head is?” she teased. “Let’s quiet it down: easy answer: not so much a change as I feel like trying out your ways. It’s been years since I had anyone stay over.”

“What do you think about it?”

“Too early to tell. This cuddle stuff still makes me edgy.”

“Anything I can to do to take the edge off?”

“Sex it up a bit. I’m a lot more comfortable with lust. I’m a little annoyed that you’re not worshipping my fat, succulent, huge boobs right now.”

“The last thing I want is to unnecessarily annoy you” he grinned, as he partook of them and allowed himself to again get lost in passions he’d never before known.

A few minutes later, now squeezing her belly whilst still nuzzling one of her breasts, Nate’s irrepressible curiosity drove him to ask, “Am I ever going to get to know the real you?”

“When have I ever fronted with you?! I’m always real!”

“True, for your public persona. Yeah, it’s probably too early for me to ask… we haven’t built up enough mutual trust yet.”

“Don’t wait for that. Seriously, Nate, I don’t understand why you can’t leave well enough alone and enjoy having my body, like most men!”

“Maybe I’m not like most men. Last I checked, you’re not like most women. Thought you’d understand.”

He let it go. His hands continued to explore her, eventually winding up on her shoulders. He found a spot on each side which made her go partially limp. He stopped his hand migration and continued to massage her there gently.

“What are you doing?” she asked in a softer voice than usual.

“Giving you a shoulder massage, hoping it feels good and you like it. Lots of people consider shoulder massages to be intimate… some even sexual.”

“Oh just shut up and do what you want.” The words were harsh though her tone was anything but, dreamy now as well as soft. “I’m tired of arguing with you.”

His thumbs and fingers migrated around a little on her shoulders for variety and to fine-tune the optimal location. As he kept dialing it in, she relaxed more deeply.

Oddly, it was Deb who started up their first real non-snarky, non-confrontive conversation, a few minutes later, more relaxed than she could remember being around a man since childhood. “Where did you learn massage?”

“Nothing formal. Intuition and practice.”

“That’s how I learned sex, initially. Can you go a little lower on the left? About a centimeter down?”

“You’re metrically-enabled?”

“Try to be… when I’m hangin’ with smart science-techie types. That’s it.”

“Seriously: thanks for telling me. I do want to please you in every way possible, you know.”

“I know. That’s part of what scares me about you.”

“Why would that scare you?”

“Out-of-bounds question for today. Maybe some other month.”

They dropped back into silence for a couple of minutes, then she asked, “What’s your family like, Nate?”

“Not much to tell: only child of parents who came of age in the 1960s.”


“More like latter-day beatniks and coffee house poets. They had me late—end of the ’70s.”

“Yeah, I thought you were my age. What about your uncles, aunts, and all that?”

“One uncle, Dad’s side. One aunt, Mom’s side. Each of them and their spouses etc. live across the continent. I’ve only met them a few times.”

“What was your family life like?”

“Chill. Mom and Dad are cool. They’ve always been open-minded, and non-judgmental to a fault, which is why I’m sometimes quick to judge.”

“Do they like what their son has become?”

“I think they had higher hopes that I’d invent something brilliant or at least write some commercial software which changed the world. They’re only semi technology-literate… they don’t get a lot of the security and privacy issues. Google or someone dangles something free in front of their face, they bite. What about your family?”

Deb stiffened up immediately. “Out-of-bounds.”

“Even though you just asked me about mine and I told you everything you wanted to know?”

“Don’t be a bastard, Nate. This has gone so well so far.”

His feelings were hurt with how one-way subjects like this seemed to be. “Sorry for caring and wanting to make an emotional connection with you.”

“Nate stop! Don’t!

“What I’ve figured out so far—no help from you—is that someone hurt you incredibly badly in your past. I’d really like to kick their ass—or asses—but as we know—well, I know—I’m better suited to hacking them and making their technical lives miserable.”

Deb was seething, but he didn’t notice, wrapped up in his own hurt feelings.

“What I haven’t figured out is whether or not a mere mortal like me can ever repair the damage, and if so, how best to do it. I thought this shoulder massage was getting us there, which it seemed to be for awhile… relaxing you and opening you up to this nice conversation–”

With the primal fury of a caged animal on a rampage, Deb started pummeling him with her fists as hard as she could, yelling, “Get out, you bastard!”

He shoved her away, lunged for his clothes, and got into them as quickly as possible. Luckily he’d just finished slipping into his Van’s slip-ons when she stood up and yelled, “You fucking boundary-less asshat bastard!

Fuck you, Deb!” he yelled, looking around quickly to see whether he’d dropped anything important.

She stood up and charged at him. He quickly picked up a book off a nearby bookshelf and hurled it at her as hard as he could, slowing her down enough for him to blast out and slam her front door.

He wasn’t bleeding and as far as he could tell nothing was broken, though his left shoulder and chest hurt enough that he was quite sure he was badly bruised. He seriously considered Nora’s suggestion to notify law enforcement and press assault charges, but then figured since he was a man, she’d easily be able to turn the tables on him and truly mess up his life—for all he knew, there might be a lawyer in her family.

{Yep, I’m bruised} he thought as he looked in the mirror, now naked at home, just before getting in the shower to wash all possible remnants of Deb Dunbar off of him.

Still furious after the shower, he got back at her in the way he was best equipped.

The night after their fight, Deb was doing her thing on her PC. It startled her to see a message box pop up in the center of her computer screen, of a type she’d not seen before. At first she figured it was a new type of scam and that she needed to update her anti-virus software. Before her close-it reflex kicked in, she noticed what it said:

Dear abusive big-boobed bitch Deb,

Your Google password is pretty good: took me 3 hours to crack. OS account pw on this computer?: not so much: about 5 minutes. You really ought to have a separate admin account for software installs and standard user for one you use daily, but since when have you listened to me?

Oh, and have fun with your Facebook and Pinterest accounts… I know I did!

Pro tips, for when you change all your passphrases (you should, and not because of me):

  1. choose full words you remember, not stupid abbreviations, and make a short sentence
  2. use spaces when allowed
  3. idiosyncratic words are best, if you have that much creativity somewhere within you
  4. one or two symbols or unusual case changes, that’s all you need

Deal for you: don’t turn me in and I won’t hack you any more, nor show my new bruises from you to the police and turn you in.

Thanks for the fucks and boob play. Sorry we never got past that.

Over and done with you totally,
Bastard Nate


She couldn’t figure out any way to reply to whatever this mysterious message box was. Having never asked for his phone number nor email address nor any other form of contact, and not finding him in any free online listing, she couldn’t fulfill her urge to call him up and yell at him.

Feeling violated and shaking with rage, she went to her Facebook and Pinterest pages: each of them had an article about women physically abusing men. She screamed and threw some magazines on the ground and stomped on them once she discovered that he’d changed her password—or phrase—and locked her out of both her FB and Pinterest accounts.

It took her until the following day to work calmly enough with the companies’ customer service agents to get her accounts back under her control.

Ending things once and for all with Deb hurt him enough that he withdrew entirely from the dating scene, plunging himself back into the rational, challenging, cutting-edge technology world.